If I Could Die of Laughter
by Clare Hope
Summary: Ianto loses a pencil sharpener, Jack finds it for him, and things...escalate. (Janto, humor, fluff, laughter, and sweetness, continued far past the first story and will continue as long as I find myself willing to write 'funny'. Rated T for suggestiveness, nothing more. :) )
1. Chapter 1

Ianto searched desperately through the desk drawer. "Oh, come on, it's got to be here somewhere," he muttered to himself.

"What does?" Jack asked from behind him, walking into the archives.

The young man held up what looked like a tiny, deep, plastic, blue bowl with an oval base. Jack looked at it blankly. "Okay. Not getting it."

"It's the bottom half of my handheld pencil sharpener, but I can't find the top part," Ianto explained, still searching. "My pencils are all dull, and I can't keep filing the artifacts without pencils that work."

Jack tried not to smile. "Why don't you use mechanical?"

"They don't write the same," Ianto complained. "Plus, you have to buy all that extra lead, and it gets everywhere when the containers break." Jack gazed at him, amused. Ianto turned to look at him. "What?" he said, irritated.

"You." Jack smiled. He pointed to something small, underneath the little corner desk of the archives. "What's that?"

Ianto bent down to look. "Oh!" he exclaimed. "There it is! Thank you so much, Jack." He picked the top of the pencil sharpener up and reattached it to the base.

"Yep," the captain replied, smirking. He walked up to Ianto and placed his hands firmly on his shoulders. "So, does that mean…you owe me?"

Ianto kissed him. "I suppose so," he murmured. Then he pushed Jack away. "Later."

"Aww," Jack replied, pouting.

"Working."

"Never stopped us before…" Jack hinted, not-so-subtly.

"Jack!" Ianto laughed. "Later."

"Promise?"

Ianto reached back into the desk drawer and pulled out an eraser. He promptly threw it at Jack's head. It hit him right in the center of his forehead, bounced off, and was caught by Ianto again. Ianto took a second to admire his own aim before Jack swiped the pencil sharpener away from his lover and started walking away.

"Hey!" Ianto called. "I need that."

"Come get it."

"Captain Jack Harkness, give it back! Now!" Ianto glared at the back of Jack's head as he just kept walking. "Or…"

That got Jack's attention. He turned around, one eyebrow raised, eyes crinkled with amusement. "Are you threatening me, Jones, Ianto Jones? That kind of behavior could get you fired, you know."

"Shut up. And hand it back to me. Or. Else." Ianto said, slowly and clearly. He had to fight really hard to keep a straight face, but it was worth it when Jack began to think he wasn't joking anymore.

"Right. Okay," Jack hastened to agree, hurrying back over to Ianto and handing it back quickly. Bless, he looked almost nervous.

Once the pencil sharpener was safely back in Ianto's possession, he started to laugh. Rolling his eyes, he teased Jack. "I cannot believe you fell for that."

Jack's eyes widened, and then his face fell. Looking genuinely hurt to have been tricked like that, he stuck his hands in his pockets and started to sulk away.

"Oh—hey, Jack! Come back," Ianto cajoled. "Sorry, all right? I was just…" Jack's shoulders were shaking, and for a second Ianto was really confused and thought he was crying. "Jack?"

Then, a burst of laughter. Jack turned back around, cracking up. "I can't believe you did, either!"

"Ohh…shut up!" Ianto exclaimed, but he wasn't pretending to be upset anymore, and wasn't trying to conceal his mirth. When Jack saw this, he started laughing even harder because of how completely adorable Ianto was when he was laughing.

An irritated shout came from upstairs. Owen had been trying to work. "I don't even WANT to know what you two are doing, but for the love of God, BE QUIET!"

Unfortunately, the two men in the archives found that even more hilarious, of course. Jack had, by now, sunk to the floor against a shelf. "Jack…Jack," Ianto gasped out, "if we keep on like this, you're gonna actually die of laughter!"

Jack practically choked at that. "Well there's always a first!"

Ianto dropped down onto the floor next to him. "Is there?" he said, interested.

Jack snorted. "I'm starting to be a bad influence on you, aren't I?"

"Are you? Really?" Ianto asked, mock-confusedly.

"Shut up!"

"Never."

"Oh, I hope not." This time it was Jack who leaned in for the kiss.

Ianto paused, savoring the moment with his eyes closed. Then he sprang back up, grabbing Jack's hands and pulling him up, too. "Go," he said, giving the captain a gentle shove towards the stairs. "Later, I said."

"I hoped you didn't mean it, though," Jack responded cheekily.

"Jack! Go. Upstairs, now," Ianto told him, still laughing.

"All right, all right." Jack started up the stairs.

A couple of seconds later: "Captain Jack Harkness, I'm going to bloody well kill you!" Laughter could be heard all the way up the stairs as Jack made a swift retreat.

He had stolen the pencil sharpener, again.

* * *

><p><em>Super, super fluffy! Oh, I loved writing it, and I hope you loved reading it. If anyone wants, I'll continue writing more like it. Well, I probably will even if you don't! Love you all. Review if you've got the time, I love hearing from you! x<em>


	2. Chapter 2

Jack Harkness didn't actually sleep a lot. When he did, however, Ianto would usually just watch him dream. Not tonight, though.

Nope. Tonight he had a plan for revenge on Jack for teasing him about the pencil sharpener. He was going to take Jack's beloved greatcoat and hide it. Ianto slipped out of the small bed built into the wall, careful not to wake the sleeping captain. The coat was hanging over the back of Jack's office chair. Ianto picked it up and draped it over his arm.

Hmm. He hadn't actually thought this part through. Where the heck was he going to hide it? There were plenty of strange spots in the Hub where Jack would never think to look, but none of them seemed quite right.

Or…That was an idea. Take it down to the Archives, then. Up on a shelf somewhere, or hidden in a box. Ianto went down immediately. The Hub was very dark, quiet, and lonely at night. Ianto felt a pang of pity for Jack, who had stayed all alone every night over the years. _Until I came along, that is_, he thought with satisfaction.

Ianto scanned the shelves of the Archives, wondering if he could find somewhere significant in some way. The desk, maybe. Or somewhere obvious.

He laughed out loud when he thought of how perfect this was. He would hide the coat in plain sight—right along with the other stacks and stacks of historical clothing the Rift had dropped on them from time to time. Ianto folded the coat neatly and placed it on the top of the stack which contained the clothing from WWII. Smiling to himself, he walked carefully back up the steps and went back to bed, curling up very close to Jack and thinking of how entertaining the morning was going to be.

Per usual, the captain awoke well before Ianto. Slipping out of bed without waking his lover, Jack started to get dressed. He had his shirt halfway buttoned up before he realized something was missing. Frowning, he shook Ianto awake.

"Mmmmhmm, wha's it, Jack," Ianto answered sleepily.

"Sorry to wake you, but do you know where my coat is?" Jack asked him, confused. "It's just, I was sure I left it on my chair last night."

Ianto rolled over. "Well, I don't know. Maybe you left it somewhere else," he muttered, face buried in the pillow.

Jack had to smile. "Genius observation, Mr. Jones. I couldn't have guessed—since it isn't on my chair—that it was somewhere else."

"Go look for it, then." Ianto sat up and yawned. "I might as well just get up, then!" he called at Jack, who was walking out of the room to look for his missing garment.

"Okay!" Jack called back, distractedly. "Make some coffee?"

"If you're lucky." Ianto grinned, though Jack couldn't see him. Yes. The plan was working. Now all Ianto had to do was act innocent. Good. He could do that.

A couple minutes later, Jack walked back into the office, looking extraordinarily confused. "Ianto, I literally can't find my coat. Are you sure you don't know where it is?"

"What you do with your clothing is no business of mine unless I'm pulling it off," Ianto said off-handedly.

Jack snorted. "Witty as usual, but you didn't answer my question."

"Didn't I?" Ianto responded, a tremble of amusement in his voice.

Jack looked suspiciously at him. "Ianto...did you take my coat?"

"Absolutely not," Ianto protested.

"Are you lying to me?"

Ianto simply could not keep a straight face anymore. A tiny knowing smile spread across his lips. Jack glared. "Where's...my...coat?"

Ianto's eyes were wide and twinkling. "Coffee's on," he changed the subject. "You want some?"

"Not as much as I want my coat!" Jack chastised.

"I told you, you must have misplaced it," Ianto maintained. But the game was up.

"Ianto Jones, you give me back my coat!" Jack ordered.

"You're being very bossy today," Ianto remarked, still sitting calmly in Jack's desk chair. His arms were crossed and he was swiveling the chair from side to side slightly.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" the captain asked.

Ianto hesitated. "I don't know. Give it a few more minutes."

"Ianto…" Jack's tone changed from bossy to soft and pleading. He put on a pitiful little look reminisce of a lost puppy. Right. Change of tactics. This could be interesting. "Pwease." Oh, no, he was doing a little kid voice, too.

Ianto didn't stand a chance. He softened instantly. "Three guesses," he said. "Where is it?"

Jack grinned happily. He knew he had won. "It's in the Archives, isn't it?"

Ianto tilted his head to the side. "How did you guess?"

"I'm right?!" Jack said, delighted. "I honestly had no clue."

Ianto laughed. "Ten points to you if you can find it."

"Are the points worth anything?" Jack said, interested.

"Quite possibly."

"What?"

"Haven't decided yet. I'm sure we can figure something out," Ianto hinted. "Let's go see if you can actually find it, first. You look better with it on anyway."

Taking Ianto's hands, Jack pulled him quickly up out of the desk chair. Taken by surprise, Ianto fell forwards into Jack's arms. The captain caught him and held on to him for a second before pulling him along down to the Archives.

Ianto leaned against the wall, amused as he watched Jack search. "Don't mix anything up!" he called. "You know how long it took me to catalogue it."

Jack's head popped out from behind a shelf. "How many pencils did it take, I wonder?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Seventy two packs of a dozen," Ianto replied immediately. "Give or take a couple I lent to Tosh."

"_What_?" Jack's eyes looked like they might pop out of his head. "Ianto, how the hell do you even know that?" he managed to squeak out.

Ianto doubled over in laughter. "I didn't!" he gasped. "I just made it up!"

Jack looked torn between total disappointment and utter amusement. "You are absolutely impossible!" he told Ianto, shaking his head. He walked over. "Also, I really want to kiss you right now," he added softly.

"You may," Ianto answered quickly. He put his arms around Jack, but then stopped. "Hold on," he said. Releasing Jack, he darted over to the stacks of historical clothing and tugged out the greatcoat. He went back over to Jack, holding the coat out.

Jack smiled. He took the coat and slipped it on. Ianto smoothed out the collar. "How do I look?" Jack said.

"Very handsome," Ianto replied honestly. "And now _I_ want to kiss _you_."

"You may," Jack said, echoing his lover. He leaned down slightly and pressed his mouth first to Ianto's nose, then Ianto tilted his head up so their lips were together. Just then, they heard the giant-gear-like front door spin open as the first team member to arrive that day came in.

Reluctantly, they pulled apart. "Time for work," Ianto whispered.

"I wish it didn't have to be," Jack murmured, and kissed him again. Ianto's eyes closed briefly. "Okay," Jack agreed then. "Let's go. Oh, by the way," he added suddenly. "Do I not get the points since I didn't actually find the coat?"

Ianto laughed. "I love that _that's_ what you think of. But maybe. We'll see. Later."

"I'll hold you to it."

They went upstairs, and Torchwood's work day began.

* * *

><p><em>I know, it wasn't quite as good as the first chapter. Is any sequel? (That was rhetorical, don't answer it, please.) But I hope it was still good! Please review if you have time. Thanks for reading! I love you all!<em>


	3. Chapter 3

Jack stared blankly at the empty storeroom. "But the monitors said something alive was in here.."

Ianto frowned. "Yeah, it did." He glanced down at the gun he was holding. "Should we put these away, then?"

"Shhh!" Jack said suddenly. "Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Then Ianto heard a tiny tapping sound up by the lights on the ceiling. He stared upwards, pointing his gun at the lights and squinting to try and spot what was making the noise. "I can't see it."

"Huh. I wonder..." Jack reached over and switched off the lights. The sound stopped. He switched them back on and the noise started again. Both Jack and Ianto flinched.

"Is it in the lights?" Ianto whispered.

"I don't know," Jack replied softly. _Flick. _Lights off. Silence. _Flick. _Lights on. _Thump. Thump. _"It seems like it might be."

"Can we dim the lights?" Ianto murmured. Jack tapped some buttons on his Vortex Manipulator and the lights dimmed. Gazing up, Ianto spotted a small, dark, flying thing slamming repeatedly into the glass of the lights. "What is that?"

"No idea...Let's catch it."

Ianto coughed in surprise. "What?!"

Jack shrugged. "Why not? Doesn't look too dangerous."

"Looks can be deceiving," Ianto hissed. "We have to be really careful, then."

"Fine, sure. Spoilsport," Jack muttered. "What fun is there in being careful?" he added as they slowly backed out of the room and closed the door.

"Staying alive."

Jack grinned. "That's fun? Since when?"

Ianto reached over and smacked the back of his head. "Since I don't like watching you die, you idiot."

Wincing, Jack smiled apologetically at him. He changed the subject carefully. "So how do we catch this thing?"

"Butterfly net?" Ianto suggested jokingly. "Plastic shopping bag?"

"Both certainly valid options," acknowledged Jack. "But since I doubt we have a butterfly net in the Hub, the plastic bag will have to do."

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "Really? I wasn't being serious."

"It was still a good idea," Jack told him. "Wait here, I'll go find something." He dashed off. Ianto leaned against the wall and waited. A few minutes later, Jack came rushing back with a large plastic bag in his hand. "Found this in one of the storage rooms," he explained.

"Are you going to attempt to catch it first, or shall I?" Ianto asked as they prepared to re-open the door to the small storeroom that the thing was in.

"Me first." Jack placed his hand on the door handle. "Three...two...one," he counted off, then swung the door open quickly.

"There it is!" Ianto called, pointing at the little dark thing hovering around the lights. Jack, holding on to the plastic bag by one handle, waved it quickly around at the ceiling, trying to drive the thing downwards. Ianto lost sight of it, but Jack obviously didn't, because he kept swiping at something until he let out a shout and clapped his hands over the open end of the bag, gathering it up. "I got it!"

Ianto ran over. "What is it, can we see?" he asked eagerly.

"Hang on, hang on," Jack cautioned. "Let me look first." He opened up a tiny hole in the top of the bag, peering inside carefully. Then he raised his head slowly. "Ianto."

"What is it?"

Jack seemed to be barely holding back laughter. "Take a look."

Ianto leaned over to look inside the bag. "Oh, you're joking," he said as the realization dawned on him. "Really?"

"Apparently so."

Ianto shook his head. "We actually just spent half an hour-"

"Yep."

"Freaking out and tracking down…"

"Yep."

"A _ladybird beetle_?"

"Yep-wait, what?"

Ianto looked at him, confused. "What, what?"

"What did you call it?"

"It's a ladybird, Jack."

"No, it's a lady_bug_."

"Only Americans say 'ladybug'."

"I'm American."

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "Sort of."

Jack shrugged. "What are we going to do with this ladybu-bird?"

"Take it outside?" Ianto suggested. "Keep it as a pet? I'm sure Tosh would appreciate it, it's small and doesn't make much noise."

"And won't try to eat her occasionally."

"Myfanwe only did that _once_!" defended Ianto. "And it was your fault, anyway. You were the one who made me take a day off to go visit Rhi and then forgot to feed her."

Jack changed the subject hastily. "So do we keep it or let it go?"

"We should just put it outside. Poor little thing, it probably has no idea what's happening or why it's inside of a huge, loud, white plastic bag," Ianto said sympathetically, leading the way towards the stairs.

"Trust you to get emotional over a bug," Jack teased as they started ascending the stairs going up to the main floor.

"It's not a bug, Jack, it's an insect," Ianto corrected.

"Now you're getting sciency." Jack winked. Ianto felt like Jack had only used the wrong terminology to annoy him, so he just ignored him.

They stepped outside. Jack opened the top of the bag carefully and waited for a minute for it to fly out. But it was either too dark for the little beetle, or it was confused as to how to climb out, because it wasn't appearing.

"Let me," Ianto offered, and reached into the bag. He found the ladybird and scooped it up onto the tip of his finger. It crawled up until it was perched precariously on his knuckle. "Whoops, hold on, little one," he laughed as it almost fell off. He walked a couple of steps forward. There was a small potted plant in front of one of the shops, and he knelt down and lay his hand flat along the soil. "There you go," he said encouragingly. The little insect ambled further up Ianto's hand. "No, you're supposed to be going _off _my hand," Ianto reprimanded.

Jack had come up behind them. "Look, I'm not the only one who refuses to let go of you."

Ianto coughed. "Jack."

Jack grinned. "Mm?"

Ianto ignored him. He blew on the ladybird gently, and it finally gave in and wandered down into the dirt. "There." He stood up. "Come on, let's go back."

Jack offered him his hand, and Ianto took it. They walked back to the Hub. "What I don't understand is," Jack stated, "how did it even get in in the first place?"

"Who knows?"

"Maybe the Rift did actually drop it in."

"Jack, the Rift's got more interesting things to dump on us."

"But what if it did? What if it picked it up in America, and so I was right when I called it a ladybug?"

"I don't think it matters where it came from. It's still a ladybird if it's here, and a ladybug in America."

"Like a pterodactyl versus a pteradon?"

Ianto sighed. "No, because 'pterodactyls' don't really exist. It was just a term that undereducated scientists came up with for any flying reptile of which they came across fossils. Myfanwe is a pteradon. How many times have I told you this?"

"Probably more than you should have had to. But it's funny to keep asking."

"It's irritating to have to explain it over and over."

"And it's quite entertaining to irritate you," returned Jack.

"It won't be when the next time I have to explain it, I make you decaf for a month," Ianto muttered.

Jack shut up wisely. When Ianto started threatening him with decaf…

* * *

><p><em>Well that was different. I'm sorry if it wasn't quite as funny as the first two, I'm so much better at angst and hurtcomfort and deeper stuff than I am with fluff. But I got this idea (well, I didn't actually get it, my friend tonicook15 did after I told her about the short anecdote that you can read if you look a little to the right of where your eyes are now) after I had a ladybug (and I am American, so I can say that) get into my bedroom and I had no clue what it was at first but it kept bumping into my light and my ceiling fan so I picked up a big white plastic shopping bag and spent ten minutes trying to catch it...that was an interesting evening. So then my friend suggested (in no seriousness whatsoever) that I write something like this. And it happened! Yay! I hope you enjoyed. You should, like, go read some of my other TW stuff if you did...Thanks for reading! Love you! _

_~Clare_


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